


it's not easy to help when you're hurting too

by Jailinsgalaxies



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Miscommunication, Relationship Problems, i didnt cry writing this which is a plus, no beta we die like men, stupid benrey having stupid feelings, this is practically something that happened to me today except i didnt get tommy time, vent fic, we're projecting baybee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:13:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jailinsgalaxies/pseuds/Jailinsgalaxies
Summary: Benrey didn't know that Gordon was in a relationship until he gets called one night by Gordon's heartbreak.
Comments: 3
Kudos: 22





	it's not easy to help when you're hurting too

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this is a dissociative haze so forgive me for any spelling/grammar mistakes I missed.

To put it simply, Benrey felt like shit.  
Like fuck sometimes you know that people aren't into you and you fucking pull back but SOMETIMES your brain convinces you that there's a chance, and it's not a good time when you realize it was just hopeful thinking.   
He'd been, by his perspective, on good terms and even talking romantically with Gordon for coming up on a year. And yeah, it was a long time but sometimes when you start off on the wrong foot of -accidentally- cutting someone's hand off, you give the other person time to make the first move. But there's no fucking move to be made, and Benrey will have to deal with that on his own. Hearing Gordon rant about a breakup that he didn't even know was a relationship in the first place was a punch in the gut, being on call at the time was harder because he couldn't think before he spoke. But he got out of it before he said anything regretful by feigning tiredness and handing the phone to Tommy.  
Now it's just him alone in his room, lights off, pretending to sleep without his fucking phone cause he gave it to Tommy. He can hear bits and pieces of Tommy through the wall and it's too much if he's going to be absolutely honest. Pulling his pillow and comforter over his head is a temporary fix, but it gives him enough covering that his body finally decides it's ok to cry. The tears honestly come faster than expected but years of training has taught Benny boy how to at least cry silently. Still working on just not crying, maybe even not having feelings but that's like level 60. There's a moment where he sniffles too loud for his own liking and holds his breath, trying to figure out if the man in the next room could hear him. Once the coast seemed clear he wiped his face on his sweater sleeve, looking at the damped sleeve for a moment before slamming his arm down on the bed. I don't need to fucking think about this, I have games.  
Turning on his computer and slipping his headphones over his ears he scrolls through steam. Opening games to immediately close them. After minutes of that he remembers this one game he found deep online, it's just called Walking and has similar vibes to LSD simulator but other than that there's no information to be found of it. The creepy music and turning around, in game and out, is enough to be busy for a good bit.   
Or until Tommy knocks on the door. "Wuh?" Benrey turns his chair towards Tommy and he silently hands over the phone. He would know more than anyone that 1 I faked being tired and 2 I'm not taking things well.   
He leaves me pretty quickly but before closing the door he whispers. "I- if you need anything I'm here for you." He's got this melancholy smile before leaving me back to my game.   
Turning back to the game I turn my character around and one of the creatures is right behind me, a huge baby-like face that makes me jump even if I knew it would come up.  
I look at my phone for half a second before throwing it to my bed. I hate it here.  
Benrey keeps playing his games and blasting his music late into the night, letting his phone buzz. It's not even that he doesn't care about Gordon BECAUSE he had a relationship, he's just fucking upset he didn't know. Especially with how apparently close they were. Fuck he doesn't even know the guy but doing Gordos like that made him hate him. They had talked about getting engaged, they had apparently almost moved in together before the breakup happened. He wished he could comfort Gordon like the best friend he is but he has to comfort himself first.   
Halfway through his self hatred Tommy knocks on the door again. "Benrey, I'm m- I'm making hot cocoa, you want any?"   
"Uhhhhh, yes please." Benrey slurs, pulling the cat ear headphone off his stupid little head and grabs his comforter from the bed, I'd hes gonna have a talk with Tommy about "feelings" hes gonna FEEL comfortable doing it.   
Tommy waves from the kitchen when he sees Benrey coming out of his room and promptly tossing himself on the couch, comforter covering basically everything but his socked feet. The water heater finishes and clicks off before Tommy pours the water into two mismatched mugs each bottoms lined with cocoa power. He stirs both drinks and carefully holds one in each hand, placing the blue mug with a bird printed on the side in front of Benrey. "Be careful, it might be t- too hot." Benrey nods slowly while moving to take up only one half of the couch so Tommy can sit down with him. Tommy grabs his own personal blanket from under the coffee table and gets comfortable before speaking again. "You want to talk about it?"  
"No."  
Tommy pauses a moment. "You want to play Mario?"  
"Please."  
Tommy gets up to get the NES and dust it off a bit, searching for Super Mario Bros 3 in the pile of games they've accumulated. Once everything's plugged in and ready he hands a controller to Benrey, keeping the other in his own hand.   
Benrey is much better at the game than Tommy, but that's why he likes playing it. It makes him feel special and he can playfully bully Tommy during his turns. It's not for who wins, just for getting Benrey to smile again.  
It works.

**Author's Note:**

> the game I mention is something I've mysteriously had on my computer since my friend owned it, apparently her brother downloaded it but we have no idea where he found it so I thought it was mysterious and sexy enough for Benrey to also have.


End file.
